Comments: "Ralph and Kevin celebrate a milestone in the most intimate way possible. FUPA!"
Recorded Sat, 21st Jan. 2012
Released Mon, 23rd Jan. 2012
0:00 SModCo ads.
0:50 Intro by Kyle Hebert.
1:35 Sold out show, tonight.
2:09 Ralph points out this is EP 69: Ralph says 'no.'
2:50 Quote: "I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" "FUPA!"
3:15 No HBO next week, but An Evening With Adam West will be recorded at the Lovitz.
5:30 Shout-outs: Natalie Ray celebrates 31st birthday at The Lovitz. Kevin discusses being scared by segregation movie, Norma Rae.
6:55 Quote: "Butt Crack Avenue."
8:00 Luis and Sandra García recently engaged.
9:10 **first appearance** Ralph as Louis Armstrong.
11:00 Jen and Tom from Richmond, Virginia, first time at The Lovitz. Jen kills Tom when he gets home.
12:45 Creepy Clown, Cosby Clown.
14:20 Henry Kissinger Clown.
14:35 Megan must buy Samantha Carpenter drinks all night. Kevin asks if they went to the recent live gig in Phoenix, which they did.
15:45 Brandon and Sarah from Toronto, celebrate Sarah's birthday. Kevin asks their address and describes where Malcolm Ingram lives.
16:40 Quote: "He's a fuckin' drunk ..."
18:10 Drew and Nicole come to the February 4th show. Future letter.
18:55 Quote: "Jesus comes back ... and he's pissed."
19:00 Kevin tries to get Angie and friends laid something special tonight. Lotta love for Ralph.
20:10 Quote: "Hey Ralph!"
21:00 Quote: "Alright, Kanye ..."
21:35 Control lost.
22:20 Chris and Marissa celebrate 3 month married by enjoying Pawn Stars.
23:15 Christie and Cam mospel ther emal.
24:30 Jim and Jeff Hester from Cleebland, OH, are twins, and mourn Uncle Tom!
25:30 Quote: "Thwins."
26:20 Chris from NY impresses Kevin with his Boba Fett hoodie. Shout out to Jorge in Bs. As. Ralph as a Drunk Ho. Ralph on drunk ho etiquette.
30:05 Ferris Bueller is a no-show.
31:05 Justin McFarland in the booth. Comic Book Men poster. Amended.
33:20 Jason and Sandra Madrid celebrate Jason' birthday. Ralph and Kevin ignored Sandra last time. Ralph offers to pose for a picture, at the end. Approaching car.
35:00 Email bag: Drinking Game rule (Landed Smith).
- If Kevin says a joke is cute enough to tell his mother, take a drink.
- If Grace is in the audience, whoever said the joke buys her a drink.
35:40 D Cassard twins about to be born. Ralph cements his place in Hell.
38:00 Aaron from St. Louis, MI, is stuck in the house.
38:40 Strokey Dick Clark and Marley Matlin order food from the McDonalds Fries Girl.
40:00 Chris Downey working on Babble On Begins, and poster released. Audience voice parts recorded. The Dark Knight Rises spoiled and discussed. Kevin really wants to see the movie.
44:10 Hollywood Helpers: Zoe Saldana helps an old lady. Star Trek chat.
47:40 Exquisite Acting: Liam Neeson in Darkman.
50:05 Tinseltown Stiffs: Johnny Otis. Hand Jive. Kevin fails to remember Ralph's past in Grease.
52:40 Tinseltown Stiff: Etta James. At Last. Etta not pleased.
55:00 Shit That Should Not Be: (Ralph scratched Kevin's back). The Miracle Worker.
57:45 Quote: "Broke my kneecap!"
58:00 HBO Headlines: George Clooney giving up drinking. Ralph unimpressed, and with cracked tooth. Ralph knocks Batman and Robin. Angry Ralph at the Lovitz.
59:10 Quote: "'My liver hurts!' Fuck you!"
1:00:10 Kelsey Grammer expecting thwins. Extensive family. Ralph besmirches the following story:
1:01:20 Kenny G and wife getting divorced. Possible timeline of events discussed.
1:02:45 Quotes: "You never find my Kenny G-spot." "Bad sax." "Broken tooth."
1:03:30 Heidi Klum divorcing from Seal. "Frankenstein." Assets discussed.
1:05:00 Quote: "Ice-cream scoop."
1:05:35 Lindsay Lohan in court. Various minutiae. Megan Fox minutiae.
1:09:00 Britney Spears tell-all book to be released. Description ridiculed.
1:10:45 Ralph irked by Jay-Z. Retiring the word "Bitch," from all his raps. Crib. 1/2 staff made redundant from clothing company.
1:13:20 Quote: "I wanna throw mad beatz, yo!"
1:16:00 The Negotiator is done.
1:17:35 Mark Walhberg makes a huge faux pas.
1:18:55 Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart.
1:19:05 Kevin says 'very,' approx. 37 times.
1:20:30 Porn Star Kim Kardashian sued Old Navy. National Enquirer says OJ fathered a Khewbacca.
1:23:00 Quote: "Quite the ladykiller ..."
1:24:00 Bruce Jenner treated for skin cancer.
1:24:10 Tila Tequila wants to change to the Jewish Religion.
1:25:20 Quote: "We don't want her!" (Jon Lovitz).
1:26:08 Hazel Jones - Two Vaginas. Ralph has experience. Video. Vivid offers ca$h. Kevin references Charlie Bit My Finger.
1:31:09 News of the Globe. All videos deleted.
1:33:10 Geek News: CW pilots announced: The Carrie Diaries. Beauty and the Beast x2. Arrow announced.
1:35:30 Angela Bowie bought the rights to The Black Widow and DareDevil. Auditioned for Wonder Woman.
1:37:00 Star Wars: Uncut.
1:38:20 George Lucas retires. The Bark Side.
1:40:00 Kevin takes a picture of the crowd, for his 20,000th tweet.
1:42:10 Liam Neeson's Cock jokes.